Recently I’ve upgraded one of my side-projects to be an actual website that actual people can pay money for. I started to tell people about it to see if I could get any customers. That didn’t go too well, I couldn’t get a single person to sign up, not even my friends, family, and fools.

So the next step was to ask why? What was wrong? Bad home page? Complicated instructions? Ugly design? It was this part that was terrifying.

I’m a freelance developer, I’ve worked for lots of clients, and I’ve always welcomed feedback. Your work can only get better if people tell you where you’ve gone wrong and where you could do better. There’s sometimes a bit of trepidation if you go out on a limb and you’re not sure what the reception will be like. At the end of they day though, it’s not scary, disappointment might be the strongest negative emotion I’ve experienced (w.r.t. feedback) in my regular day job.

This time though? This time was awful.

I want to say that I’m very grateful for the feedback I got. I mean it when I say that I welcome feedback, I really do think it makes my work better. The people that took the time to talk to me and tell me what they didn’t like, I love those people. They took that time and helped me improve the product.

But when I read the things they said, even if it was only mildly critical, my heart started beating and I felt very panicky. On an emotional level I didn’t want to hear bad things.

Why is this? My job and income aren’t in the balance here, I’d be happy if I broke even. Nobody was cruel, or angry. The critical feedback was all relevant, useful, and I agreed with most of it. So what’s with this reaction?

I think it comes down to being more vulnerable because you’re not working as part of a whole, you are the whole. Your neck is exposed in ways that it isn’t during a client meeting or daily stand up. Negative feedback comes with the message "you messed up here", and if you mess up, the whole thing is going to crumble around you. It also says "your idea is bad", but you love that idea.

That’s nonsense of course, negative feedback shows you your weakest points, your strongest are still there and still going strong. You take the feedback and you use it to improve.

You just might have to take a short walk to calm your nerves first.